Should An Engagement Ring Be A Complete Surprise?

Friday, November 20, 2015

Contemplating an engagement is a tremendous onus of responsibility. Sure, there was once a time where a couple met only a handful of times before a formal proposal was made, hopefully accepted and announced. For those who could afford a precious jewel set in a ring, it represented a kind of signature to a contract, indicating that a woman has agreed to enter into the state of matrimony. Consider that in some cultures the engagement ring was the first step to ownership; it was never considered necessary that a bride have any say in what her engagement ring should be. In fact, in Ancient Rome, a bride had two rings, one of gold to wear in public, and one in iron to wear whilst she did housework. 

 Image by Shaun Anyi via Flickr

While historically, a woman may have had no role and was given no choice for her engagement ring, time and tide have changed the way couples became betrothed.  In today’s world, a woman can go so far as to design and buy her own ring, although that is still not the norm. Some women just like being surprised. 

Ultimately, how an engagement ring is selected has more to do with the relationship of the couple than it does with tradition. Of course, finances play a role and both parties, whether directly involved or not, will want to find the best quality jewellery. It’s not just wise; it’s common sense to seek out a reputable jeweller. Click here for more updates.

But back to the issue of the couple’s relationship, and how it corresponds to the selection of an engagement ring. For couples who have been together for awhile, it’s unlikely that either has not thought of marriage, since it’s the logical step to falling in love and beginning to create a life together. It’s also likely that the issue of getting married, or at least getting engaged has been broached by either of the partners, or by nosy friends or family. 

Tradition itself is strongly tied to engagements – many men will still approach his girlfriend’s father, parents or guardians to let them know of his plans beforehand. There are still many women who welcome the rush of a surprise, and the stories that will ensue post-engagement. But, it may surprise you that in a poll conducted by the wedding site The Knot, some 65% of couples shop for the engagement ring together. 

By shopping with your fiancé (whether it is to explore what she likes or to actually purchase)

• she can choose or let you know exactly what she likes
• it alleviates pressure and stress
• represents the first (or one of, and certainly the first big symbolic) major purchase together

Alternately, having her shop with you for her engagement ring can mean:

• The process will not be very romantic. This means there will be no moment of surprise and magic or an oft-told and prepared story to share with friends and family.
• If you have a budget or would prefer that she won’t know how much you’ve spent, those plans are gone. Because you love and want to please her and have asked her to choose what she likes, you run the risk of going over your perceived budget. 
• Speaking of budget, clearly money will be a topic during the process, and that is oh, so not romantic. She may feel you’re spending too much, which could lead to her feeling guilty, or that you’re not spending enough and make her feel not quite worthy (even if she doesn’t share this fear with you)

Once you’re engaged, though, you can shop together for durable wedding bands for women, since there’s no stigma attached to that, and for many women, the band’s comfort potential is fairly important, since, conceivably, the wedding band is what she’ll be wearing daily.

If you’re ready to marry, you should know your fiancé well enough to know if it’s the right – or wrong – decision to ask her to join you in selecting a ring, whether it be a just-to-see-what-she-likes venture or the real deal

This article was contributed by Mediabuzzer

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Candice Petersen said...

Ah I can't wait to get married some day!!! Spending life with someone who loves me ring shopping is so exciting

Candice | Beauty Candy Loves

Kizzy Von Doll said...

I love my engagement ring, I didn't pick it out, Gavin did and I would have hated going to the jewellers and picking one out, not romantic at all. If the man you want to marry doesn't know what kind of jewels you like, then he's not for you, hahaha!! Having a little browse at the rings way before he goes and picks one is ok, give him ideas of your likes and dislikes, but I wouldn't want to go with him and pick my own ring out, I prefer the surprise :) xx

Jackie Harrison said...

I think that hinting the style their is nothing wrong with that but asking for a specific size and getting involved with the entire look of the ring is wrong. Let the men pick and surprise you with a small hint of what you like let him get involved with the entire process. Keep the romance in and see how he will surprise you with it. Great topic.

Emmylou MW said...

Not gonna lie...my hubby and I are not really romantic when it comes to stuff like that, so I went with him to pick out the engagement ring, and I was glad I did. I picked out something super simple, and he thought I'd like something more intricate!

Pilar said...

This is a great post Kim! I think surprise can be great, but then sometimes I wonder if I would want to go pick out my own ring when the time comes lol

Shireen L. Platt said...

It's quite the dilemma to be honest but my husband and I picked the engagement ring together. We knew we wanted to get married, there's no stopping that so we choose the ring together. xx

Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

Rowena @ rolala loves said...

I had my engagement ring custom made and I was involved in the whole process. I don't think it took away from any of the romance at all and I got a ring that l still love.

Rowena @ rolala loves

FASHION TALES said...

I think it depends on the couple, absolutely! I think I wouldn't mind being involved in the selection and style of my ring when I get married. But, my bf currently already knows what I like for most of my jewellery style. Have a great weekend. <3
Holiday Style

Ashley said...

My husband picked out my engagement and wedding ring by him self. He never asked me which kind of style I prefer, and I think there is down thing very special about that. I know some girls want to choose the rings, but knowing that I have something my husband chose specifically for me makes me happy. I also love engagements to be a surprise. And I agree that shopping and buying rings together takes away from the special and romantic moment. That's just my opinion though!

Abegail Tudela said...

I've been engaged before, but that never went anywhere. It's nice to read your thoughts on this and the facts on engagement and marriage and picking a ring out. I never had a say in the ring I received. I never liked it nor would it have been my choice. It's probably best that when the special day comes that I know nothing about it and my future husband picks it out. I think that would be preferable. I'd appreciate what my future husband picks out for me.

http://adventuresofmsabby.com

Miss Val's Creations said...

This is such an interesting post. Being Miss Independent, I have never married or had kids. However I am now with the man I'll be with until the end. So sometimes we talk about marrying for health insurance reason. LOL What a reason! Otherwise we don't feel a need for marriage. Maybe someday I will be picking out a ring. :)

Dora Toubanaki said...

I like surprises but I wouldn't care the least about the ring! If I wanted to marry someone I would be happy even if he surprised me with a KFC bucket.
Dora www.bangsbang.com

Gabrielle said...

I've always wondered whether couples like to shop for their engagement rings together or not - personally, I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping my future husband(!) will know what I like and magically find the perfect ring to propose to me with.... haha ;)

Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice
x

Keisha Ramsay said...

I am a romantic when it comes to getting engaged! I would love to be surprised but at the same time my future husband really would need to know my style and taste before purchasing a ring.

Keisha xo
The Chrysalis Gal

Andrea said...

haha very nice article. I've always been one for surprises, so the whole point of going and selecting together, or even dropping big hints about it, is unromantic to me, and I would rather have him put in all the thought himself, and ask friends to see what i like :) that way it means more because he had to plan and put in all the effort! but i know others who want to know it will happen but just not sure when! lol i guess to each their own! xo
Andrea
www.phdfashionista.com

Pamela RG said...

Definitely, a surprise, chosen by him. If my fiancé to be really knows me, I will trust that he will choose the right ring that will suit me. True that everything will be alright.

The Bandwagon Chic said...

My husband surprises me with an engagement ring but we don't actually bought it together,
He's the one took part on it

The Bandwagon Chic | Instagram | Bloglovin | Snapchat: bandwagonchic

Tania Franco said...

Being involved in choosing is ideal, unless you have a guy who really knows your style and surprises you. There's nothing worse than getting a gift that you totally don't like and having to wear it for the rest of your life...sad.

xo,
Tania
http://inspiremyfancy.blogspot.com/

Vale ♥ said...

I think a surprise is more romantic, my now husband chose it for me and he did a great work, I appreciated it even more <3

Fashion and Cookies - fashion blog

June said...

I think it should be a surprise but the man should consult the bride's best friend or sister who could guide him to a design she would like
xx
June Wants It All - Indian fashion and lifestyle blog

jo said...

What a nice post Kim! I didn't really have an "engagement ring", what happened was I bought a diamond ring, went home and told my husband (then boyfriend) that this should be my engagement ring and then he reimbursed me. Lol.

xo Jo

http://www.whiterosesandcoffee.com/

Coco said...

I think the engagement ring must be a surprise, while the wedding band should be chosen together. Big hug

Lauren Carter said...

My husband picked out my ring, and he did a great job. I really liked the surprise. Everyone's different, though. I don't think there's any right or wrong way to propose now, and that's a good thing! I really appreciate that attitudes are changing on this subject.

Diva Desle said...

This is such an interesting post Kim. I love the element of surprise but I am also scared that one day my fiance would give me an ugly ring. Lol! I guess I would show him pictures of what I like in a ring and hopefully when he chooses a ring for myself he would reference the pictures. In my culture the man has to go to the parents to get a blessing to marry the daughter. So my parents will probably know when he will pop the qustion before I do. One day I will find my dream man KIm, Lol! I keep praying ;-D

Nerline Germain said...

I love being surprised. I also love the idea of having two rings, one for the home and one for going to church an such. Such a wonderful post, Kim!