Everyday Confidence by Skinstore

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Sponsored: SkinStore.com asked if I would like to collaborate with them on their 'Everyday Confidence' Campaign. They surveyed American women (Women, Makeup & Self Confidence) about how they felt about their natural beauty. Only 2% of women described themselves as 'gorgeous'. 60% felt 'fairly average and nothing special' with no makeup. They asked me to discuss how I felt about these results. Do I fall into the same category? Can I leave the house without foundation?


Personally, there was a time in my life where I would not go ANYwhere without makeup or not be well dressed. If I went to the grocery store, I had makeup on and was well dressed. If I went to the post office, makeup on and well dressed. When I went to my college classes, makeup on and well dressed. If I worked out, (yep) makeup on and athletic-wear dressed (LOL). Did I think bad of myself? No. That is just the way I grew up! I was taught to put yourself together when you go out.

Now, don't get me wrong, I had hang ups about myself growing up! I was very tall compared to others in elementary school. I've been confused my entire life as black mixed with asian, hispanic, black mixed with white...what is she? LOL I had a bad spout of acne in my adult years, which didn't make me feel good. But an immediate trip to the dermatologist cleared it up in a month. But I can never think of a time where I called myself UGLY or not liking myself.

I think the hardest challenge for me, was years ago when I lost a lot of my hair (relaxer gone bad). I dated this guy for about a year and when that happened everything really changed between us. It was so hurtful at first! I really loved him. But there were so many red flags with him, that it took me to lose my hair for the truth to really hit me. He was gorgeous on the outside, but was verbally abusive, selfish, self-centered and a womanizer. He didn't love me for me. He only loved how I looked and what I could do for him. I wouldn't have been happy with him. So losing my hair was a blessing.

My hair did grow back, but many of you know I unfortunately used a shampoo/conditioner recommended by a YouTuber that dried out my hair out and when it was relaxed ... chunks of hair came out. I'm STILL rebounding from that incident. But these really bad circumstances made me LOOK AT ME FOR WHO I AM! Hardly any hair! It was hard at first! People probably thought I suffered from cancer. But guess what? I now walk out of my house with no makeup! Confident with my skin! I dress down almost always now. Still confident in who I am. If you can't like me for me, then you're superficial! I cannot tell you how many "friends" I have disconnected from (even here on the blog). I've done massive clean outs! A long time ago, I use to judge a book by it's cover. I don't do that anymore. I don't care if you have a million tattoos! I don't care if your hair is red, green or purple! I don't care if you have a high school diploma, college degree,  masters or phD. I don't care if you're black, white, asian, hispanic, african etc. It matters not! I will like you for who you truly are!

I've always thought of myself as nice looking, but always striving to be better. I'm not afraid of, jealous or intimidated by beautiful women. As a matter of fact, I flock to them! I'm the one that will go up to you, and ask WHAT ARE YOU USING? WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT? LOL I'm always complimenting women on their skin, makeup and what they're wearing. I'm very secure with myself. There was this 70 year old woman in the grocery store around Halloween, and she was wearing this real snazzy black cat t-shirt. I just came out and said, "I love your t-shirt and you look so good". She said, THANK YOU with a great big smile and said it was her birthday. Which brings me to...

I don't think enough women encourage or compliment one another. I've always tried to do so in life (eg. I like your hair. I like your dress. What pretty lipstick!) and here on A Very Sweet Blog. I've seen a mix of confidence while blogging. Some not very confident. Some confident. Some pretending to be confident, but are really unsure of themselves.

Everyone has a story! Everyone's story is different! This is just mine. I don't look at others to be like them. I like me. I do look to others for inspiration! You have to be able to separate things! Do I buy Kylie Jenner's lipstick to look like, act like or be like her. Hell no! I don't want to be her! I just think that metallic lipstick would look great on me :D. Why do I buy Anastasia Beverly Hills liquid lipsticks? They're of excellent quality, smell good & look great on the lips! I also love her Snapchat stories because she travels the world and sees exciting things! I admire that! When you want to transform into a person, that can be a problem. I connect with others, that can teach me things (no matter what they have or how they look). I connect with others who are inspiring to me. I'll leave you with this...INSPIRE OTHERS...BE INSPIRED! GOD has given each one of us gifts! Share them! Teach others!


Disclosure: SkinStore sent me the following skincare to try. I'm not obligated to talk about these products, but skincare will be my platform in 2017. So I will let you guys know how each of these worked out in the New Year.

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Lorena said...

Dear Kim, I really loved reading this. And like you say, losing your hair was a blessing, sometimes we do not see what is right in front of us until it can be seen from a distance.
I did a no make up to work week a few years back and did not get a single comment ! I guess sometimes we think too much and people can't even tell - its more an internal issue. Hugs.

tr3ndygirl fashion blog said...

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Sharmili R said...

Thanks so much for the uplifting article and sharing your story. I'm so sorry to hear you had to deal with your hair falling + a verbally abusive boyfriend at the same time :( I'm glad to hear that you're in a better place now :) I've had some form of acne ever since middle school and I think it has kind of helped my self esteem if that's even possible lol. There have definitely been times where I felt too insecure to even leave my house, but I've eventually come to a place where having acne isn't a big deal and that it doesn't define me. I don't notice other people's acne and I doubt most people notice mine. I can't wait to see what skincare bits you share with us in 2017 :)

Mili | Sharmtoaster

Miss Val's Creations said...

Yours is a great story to share! It is so important that we turn our not so fun experiences into something positive. This was certainly a blessing in disguise with a bad relationship. I still get occasional pimples in my 40s and will go to the post office in the morning with no makeup. It is much better to live life as an non shallow being! I love complimenting strangers when I'm out and about. I know how it can make my day when I receive a compliment from a stranger! Spread the love!

Sakuranko said...

Be confident is be brave darling! And you a great person and a great fighter. I feel proud to have the oppotunity to read your story because is not only inspiring is empower for my soul. Somedays I don´t want put nothing of makeup. Only sunscreen and go out to my house. And like I always say to my mom If to the people doesn´t like how I look that is their problem not mine.

You are an amazing Blogger!
Thanks for share this with us~

Diva Desle said...

Wow Kim, I am so touched by this honest and inspiring post. I too dress up when I walk out the house because my mother and grandmother always taught me to look my best at all times :-) Growing up, when I would look in the mirror I always saw ugliness. I went to a girls high school which made my insecurities even worse. I only really started to like myself when I started working. I became more confident in myself. I still have days when I feel less than. In my field of work rejection is a huge factor when it comes to auditions and getting work. I have to daily change my thoughts and mind set. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life. I am glad you got out of an unhealthy relationship. Your story and words are very inspiring to women who may be going through a similar situation. You are beautiful inside out Kim. Lots of love! Xxxx

Tanya Dufour said...

Thanks for sharing your personal story with us! Its really true..alot of women including myself don't have enough confidence in ourselves (esp with a makeup free face). I for one barley ever go out in public without makeup on. The only day that I go makeup free is on Sundays when I workout, do laundry, clean, go grocery shopping etc. I def feel basic and even almost unattractive sometimes without makeup on. There have been a few times where I have been told I look tired or like I didn't sleep well when I have had no makeup on. And that I look really different without makeup (I have toned my makeup down since those days). My dark circles really do get to me and make me self conscious esp when people have made comments.I don't think they were purposely trying to be mean just didn't think. Anyways...I think that society holds women to such a high standard when it comes to how they look and dress that many of us try to live up to those expectations. Its sad and I do agree that we should all lift each other up and help boost each others confidence.

Lenya said...

Thank you for sharing your personal story with us, Kim. I am so sorry to read you had to deal with such bad things. Glad you got out of this bad and unhappy relationship. You are a beautiful woman. Happy holidays, Kim.
hugs
Lenya
FashionDreams&Lifestyle

Emmylou MW said...

Kim, I've always admired you and your blog has always been a breath of fresh air, but this post just made me love you even more....(((((MASSIVE HUGS)))). You are a queen, Kim.
I am so sorry to read about some of the stuff you've gone through. Learning lessons like that are hard, girl....I know. How you view the whole thing though is really something to be proud of. And I so agree about us women not complimenting each other enough. Life is hard enough....why should we knock each other down when we should be lifting others up?

Carina Vardie said...

I'm so sorry about your hair loss experience, thanks for sharing with us.

xo
www.carinavardie.com

Gabrielle said...

How sad to think only 2% of women describe themselves as gorgeous! I'm still very sad to hear about your hair loss experience after a dodgy youtube recommendation - speaking of which, I love how you're always 100% honest when it comes to reviews :) So lovely to hear you also go up to other women and compliment and/or ask about their makeup - I do the same!! :)

aglassofice.com
x

Rowena @ rolala loves said...

This is such a thoughtful, well written and inspiring essay Kim! Thank you for opening up like this. It makes me sad to hear about the hardships you dealt with but I can tell that they've only made you stronger. You are a beautiful person both inside and out. It's both in the way you express yourself and how you treat others. I truly admire how comfortable you are in your own skin and how you just own everything Kim. <3 you! Don't ever change :) I'm excited that you're making skincare your platform next year. It's been my focus and because of how my skin has improved, I'm able to wear less makeup. I like to look well put together when I go out but I find that I actually feel more confident when I'm in minimal makeup. That just happens to be what my husband likes best on me too ;p

Julie May said...

Thanks for sharing this. I really need to hear this today!!! Big hugs to u lady! <3

Ashley Sue said...

I absolutely love this post Kim. I love your story and all that you've share and inspired! It's sad that so many women don't feel confident enough in their own skin. I'm slowly learning to go without makeup and my hair done. I've always grew up learning to be up together, dressed, makeup on etc too. And I am totally inspired by others who go without makeup and just have natural beauty. But I've always realized that who's to say that everyone isn't naturally beautiful? We all are! It's normal to have insecurities but we need to look past then. Today I was putting on my makeup because I had to go grocery shopping. When I was half way done I thought to myself 'why do I need to put makeup on? I don't need makeup.' Of course I still finished lol but it was a nice realization.
And also, I totally agree with you about loving people who for they are! I don't care if someone has green hair or not, what their body and skin looks like- I think everyone is beautiful and if someone had a kind heart then I love them. And yes women don't encourage and empower eachother enough, it needs to change!

Yiotou_La said...

Thank you for sharing your story Kim, and losing your hair was truly a blessing, no one deserves to be with someone who is abusive, self-centered and only cares for himself. We are all different and we are all beautiful! Remember that!!! Sending you hugs and love x

Yiota
PinkDaisyLoves

Lily A. said...

Thank you for opening up and sharing your story Kim. At one point I used to never go out without makeup on either...I felt ugly. And recently I fell back into that dark place because of my acne breakouts and it doesn't help that I'm also a bigger girl and feel as if I already draw too much attention on myself. But the heck with it...I am who I am!
xo, Lily
Beauty With Lily

Jalisa Giron said...

Kim, I'm honestly blown away and touched so deeply by the results of this study. It really bothers and hurts me that so many women feel so insecure about their looks and feel as though they NEED to wear makeup to cover their imperfections. I believe this is something that's increasingly prevalent in the States, though for sure it's not limited to just us. My mom and I have had so many discussions about this. She works at the UN and so, she has relationships with so many different women from all over the world. She's mentioned how us women in the States, as a whole, have so many hang ups compared to other cultures. For instance, the French focus more on skincare and dealing with the "problem" areas in terms of taking care of the skin, whereas we as society often turn to covering it up. Plus, have you ever vacationed around the French, they are VERY confident about their bodies on the beach ;) haha. I believe it doesn't help either that with social media, we tend to see the very best versions of each other, perfect hair, perfect makeup, that it creates a distortion of what reality is and we begin to think and act superficially. I personally have always been into fashion more than makeup and only started wearing makeup when I was about 20. I can relate to you in not feeling jealous or intimidated my another woman. I have many flaws and areas I need to work on, of course, but that has not been one of them. I love to encourage other women because I feel we all have so much pressure on so many different levels and it's refreshing to encounter another woman who genuinely gives a compliment, it truly does make a difference to someone's day and you never know what she's going through or what's going on her life, take the women you saw in the grocery store for instance. It was her birthday and I'm sure you made her feel that much more beautiful on her day! We need to stop the cattiness and seek to uplift and encourage one another, by doing so we are NOT taking away from our own beauty, confidence, or success. In fact, it can only help it because I do believe that what we do to others will ALWAYS make its way back around to us. Thank you so much for sharing these results and article with us, beautiful, and I look forward to reading your review on these products next year!

XO,

Jalisa
www.thestylecontour.com

Ivana Split said...

This is such an inspiring post! It gave me a lot to thinking about. First of our, I totally agree with you that women need to be be more supportive of other women. There is too much body shaming out there and I just think that it is too hurtful for everyone included...I'm sure that people who do body shaming are those that are most insecure themselves. It is so sad that so many people don't feel good in their skin....even those that try to project self confidence are often very insecure themselves. Perhaps it is really true that we need to love others and be positively inclined towards their appearance to be able to love ourselves fully.

I've noticed that models usually only take photos with other models for their instagram and other social media account...similarly those bloggers that look like models only hang out with girls that look the same- at least on social media (I'm not convinced that is it is a coincidence that they don't have a single friend that looks average? If they do, they don't appear on photos) I used to think that lookism wasn't a big thing, but now I see that it really is. Suddenly, it is not enough for people to put themselves through crazy diet regimes, they won't even hang out with those that don't do the same? Imagine how lonely those people really are...and all because they only care about the looks. We should feel sorry for them, because they're surely deeply unhappy human beings.

Secondly, I think we should always be on fence about people who judge others primarily by their looks. Even if they like the way we look, they will never like us for what we really are. Somebody who changes their mind or feelings for/about us because our physical appearance has changed in some way, never truly loved us at all. Unfortunately, sometimes we have more than a few fair feather friends in our life. That is why health problems or other difficulties can sometimes we a blessing in a disguise. We learn who is truly our friend and who is not.

Finally, I don't think that dressing up or wearing make up means that we are insecure, but I do agree that it is important to feel comfortable in our own skins. Clothes and make up should be there for expressing our creativity and mood, they shouldn't become a mask behind which we want to hide. So, I think it is a good habit to sometimes go out without being all dressed up because that can make us realize that we are always so much more than what we wear. Thank you for sharing your personal story, it was very inspiring. You are a beautiful woman and a kind soul!

little luxury list said...

I didn't realize that about your ex boyfriend. He sounded toxic and it's good that he's out of your life.

I know that you've been surrounding yourself with positive and genuine people and I try to do the same. You are such a kind and lovely person and deserve good people in your life as well.
Speaking of loveliness, it's really sad how many women actually feel gorgeous. I admit I'm not one of them either. But I tell my daughter she is wonderful and beautiful all the time and should try to live that way as well. Inspire and be inspired!

Coco said...

I didn't know about your ex, you are always very private. We all experience self-esteem issues while growing up. What's important is to overcome them by becoming self-confident women. I believe in complimenting other women too and I often ask what they're using. Unfortunately some of them don't appreciate my straightforwardness, but in many cases I get back a huge smile like you did. Mio skincare is very peculiar, I'm curious to know what you think of it! Baci, Valeria - Coco et La vie en rose FASHION & BEAUTY